What if... I...

Still on this journey. God is so faithful. I have been busy with life lately - reflecting and then looking forward.

Read some great books lately.

Busy being obsessed with my Strategic Planning for the non-profit client. I love this stuff.

Here is what I am reflecting about:

The view from the pulpit for many years...

The view from the pew for many years...

I think both views make me a better person for what lies ahead. And I will continue to write about those views to perhaps help others.

Sometimes pastors ask God for grace to serve His people - or sometimes referred to it as "these people you gave me, Lord." I know, not that great an attitude. Pastoring is a HUGE responsibility - that is why it is a call.

NOW I know His PEOPLE in the pew probably need MORE GRACE to serve with His pastors - Lord, help us! Because even "called" people are not perfect. The anointing won't make them perfect either.

I am not so sure our training for ministry is the best it could be. No fault of anyone really. We get the message down. We are taught the principles and doctrine.

But people skills..

Conflict resolutions skills (how to obtain peace - not "I win, you lose")...

Healthy leadership skills...etc. could help more.

I see this beginning to take place in many Bible Colleges and applaud it. Not a crime to read and teach from some good healthy secular and denominational Christian publications.

Bottom line - I was really a jerk early in ministry - I had so much growing to do.

Still do have growing to do - but I dropped the "jerk" tag....after all -

"I am perfect in Christ, right?" Even if I act like a jerk, I would never confess it (OK, sarcasm is in me some times).

And even if you see me act like a jerk, you would not confess it. Of course, not sure how I would even get any help if I needed someone to speak into my life...but that is a whole other story.

Anyway... I had to figure out a lot on my own which was probably no fun for anyone around me... I am sure people needed a LOT of grace to serve with me.

So now looking forward. Gather, gather, gather...what am I gathering?

Gathering all the best, the good, the bad, the ugly and sorting....

Toss that out

Keep this

Hang on to that

Burn that

Embrace this

Let go of that

Be thankful for this

Forgive that

Leave that alone now

And let's move on....

And hopefully, the road ahead will be traveled the best it can be by someone who still loves God, still loves people, still married to the same great guy after 37 years, still loves being a mom....and still has somewhat to offer.

One thing I am for sure taking with me...

I vowed to myself that for this part of the journey, I will be honest with myself and others. I never "lied" to others....just simply did not "offer" truth when the occasion needed it. It is diplomacy at its best. I had all the "code language" down pat.

Now "speaking the truth love...." I can do this. I know my love for people.

Wives in ministry are usually some of the most quiet woman you will meet. Not all - not all - we just hate running the risk of being accused of being a "Jezebel." Wow - if she knew how much mileage the church would get out of her story.

We have no trouble with women in politics sharing what they believe to be true (well, depends on what party), but if those minister's wives begin to speak..... whoops - "leave that alone now."

Spring is coming to Michigan and before you know it, neighbors will be out in their yards working - cleaning up after the harsh winter. We tend to hibernate in the winter, so we catch up on life in the spring as we see how the winter treated us all. It is a great time of the year to start new projects. Great time of the year to just "move on."

What if... there was a room and a group?

Several years ago, (in the early 90's) a hospital in Fremont, Michigan made a transition to become an independent community hospital. The name of the hospital was, and still is, Gerber Memorial Hospital - you got it - Fremont, MI., is home to Gerber Baby Foods.

Within 1-2 years of undertaking such a task, the hospital was deep in the red and it was thought they would have to shut the doors. A man was hired by the name of Ned Hughes - and here is how the story goes as I heard it:

Mr. Hughes knew it would take something "beyond the norm" to change the situation and he met with key people and gave direction. They were to find and ask assistance of hospital supervision, doctors, nurses, technicians, former hospital patients, current hospital patients, cafeteria workers, maintenance personnel, custodial personnel, and community citizens, and gather in a room to begin meeting together.

There would be no titles.

Everyone had equal say.

There were no bad ideas - every opinion and idea was welcome and respected, even if it was not specifically used.

They tackled what the hospital was doing right - what it had done wrong - and what it could improve upon. And from this group of people, within a few short years, they changed the climate and history of GMHS.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world - indeed - it is the only thing that ever has." Margaret Mead

Below is a listing of the accomplishments of this small hospital in Fremont, MI. Just last year, Ned Hughes retired - and the community took time to tell and show how grateful they were to him. His style of leadership would be hard to duplicate, but those who worked with him will never be the same.

A true servant leader from what I hear.

I'll be meeting in April with a group to strategic plan for a non-profit organization. In the room will be: the board members, executive director, volunteers and perhaps a few others.

There will be no titles this day.

An atmosphere is created to welcome all opinions, questions, and ideas.

The Strategic Planning process is so amazing to me.

The last planning I conducted, I drove all the way home in a snow storm crying.

Why?

Well, through my tears, I said, "Lord, if the church could ever see this - working together like this - maybe amazing things could happen."

What if....we got 30 people in a room for one whole day?

No titles...

Every one's opinion, questions, and ideas were welcomed and considered.

And if not considered, at least respected.

Maybe the list below would be similar in nature...

• Gerber Memorial continues to be regarded as one of the Top 100 Hospitals in the United States – honored in 1993, 1999 (including honors for orthopedics), 2004, 2005 and 2006.
  
• GMHS is among an elite group of hospitals to receive the Governor’s Award of Excellence for Improving Care in the Hospital Setting and in the Emergency Department – 2003, 2004 and 2005.
  
• GMHS has been rated one of the best in the nation for Pulmonary Care by Healthgrades for 2006
  
• Keystone Patient Safety Project partner with Johns Hopkins Hospital and over 70 Michigan hospital ICUs
  
• Benchmark hospital for physician satisfaction among VHA affiliated hospitals in Michigan – 2004
  
• Member of Grand Rapids’ Spectrum Health Regional Hospital Network (West Michigan independent community hospitals)
  
• Affiliated with DeVos Children’s Hospital in Grand Rapids

What if......I had never been a pastor's wife?

I would have missed some of the best years of my life.

Being a pastor's wife is a huge part of my journey and it started back in 1977 after my husband completed Bible school. We pioneered a church in a small town in Michigan, which is still an existing church today.

But I found myself in a role I knew nothing about. I was not raised in church, I worked so my husband could go through Bible school.

Side note: I worked 6:00 am - 2:00 pm and he went to school in the morning and then he worked from 1:00 pm - until 7:00 or 8:00 pm. But he would come home every night and share his classes with me. I read his books and always felt very much a part of his attending school. Great husband. Great teacher.

Back to this pastor's wife thing.... I embraced a philosophy that I think may have kept me sane throughout my years as a pastor's wife. Right or wrong - it worked for me.

I thought this way...

I will not adopt the title of "Pastor's Wife" in my heart or mind. Others can call me that - I get that....I am that.

Why did I not adopt this title?

Because then I would not get caught up in "what is one?" "what is "expected"? and then I would not fall into the trap of doing something out of duty or trying to do what is "expected" of me.

Instead I told myself...

I will just be a woman who is a Christian and act that way. I love to serve people, so I will serve people in the areas I enjoy in the church.

My children will not be called "PK" kids in our home... that way, they will not fall into a trap of "what is that?" what is "expected"? and are there special rules or special treatment for these "special"children raised in a pastor's home?

There are no special rules. They are children just like yours. There should be no special treatment. Our life may be a little "different" from others, but we don't live by another set of rules. We are honored to be in the ministry, but we don't need to act like we have it better than anyone or worse than anyone.

My husband's complaint with the "PK" label was not so much how we approached it in our home, but how people outside our home approached it. He felt sometimes the "bigger" problem was how they treated it. Why should the "PK" be treated differently or have any different expectations than anyone else's kid?

So.. I embraced... we will be a Christian family who has a husband and dad who is a pastor.

Don't really care about the term "living in a fish bowl"... or "glass house"...we are Christians - don't we all live that way? Aren't we all to be living epistles - His Word written in our hearts - "known and read of all men?"

My greatest joy as a Christian woman whose husband was a pastor was watching people grow in the Lord. I loved to encourage, love them, and watch them develop in their own relationship with Jesus. I probably did overwork myself - yes, I did while I was finding what worked for me -

In fact all churches should be reminded that if you hire a pastor - you don't automatically get the "Two for One Special" where you expect his wife to do a "stupid crazy" bunch of things in the church with no regard to any compensation or appreciation. If you are a pastor's wife doing this - go on strike.

But I have no regrets. My experience ran full circle - at times it was the most rewarding and refreshing time - and at other times - true heartbreak. I hurt when they hurt, I grieved when they grieved...it was hard to find the balance of being strong without being cold - caring without being careless - and loving people enough to be honest with them even when not convenient.

Now I did fall into the trap of always having a poised smile, always sat a certain way in the front row and no matter what my husband preached on - kept the same look -

Well, that kinda went out the door after a few years - just not me. Not good at acting - though I was very good at it for a while - too exhausting though.

I know many wonderful pastor's wives.

I salute you...

I truly respect and honor you.

A few of you are on my "hero" list....

I have a concern for the present church and its young women who are beginning in ministry. They are looking for role models. They are trying to find out their place - what is "expected"... slippery road, my friend.

Be careful who you choose to follow. Keep it simple. Love your family and be a Christian - let Jesus shine through your personality. Just know, the ministry as a pastor's wife will not always be fair, will hurt at times, will almost break you at times (at least if you love people - it will) - but can also be some of the best years of your life.

Take good care of your home and children - no one will watch out for that as good as you will. I was guilty of neglecting that at times.

But I have seen a breed of pastor's wife that this old gal here just wants to say a few - very few words about - well just ONE word -

Here is a true story:

I was speaking at a workshop a several years ago and it was a great time with secretaries and administrative people. We talked about ways to be organized to help your pastor and be the most effective in areas that will help things run smoother. We covered all sorts of areas. Because I enjoy team atmospheres and promoting healthy work environments, we laughed and learned together. Great time.

I ended the session, gathered by belongings and was walking down the hallway to head to my car.

A woman approached me in the hall and asked if she could ask a question? She sort of looked around to make sure no one else was in the area. I remembered her from the workshop.

Sharp lady, well-educated - had worked in executive positions in companies and now in her later years had been hired at a church as an administrator.

She said, "Barb, I want to thank you for today. I enjoyed the session and learned a lot of how to be of help to my pastor. My pastor is a great person, easy to work with, I can share with him and be honest, he is a good leader - and the staff team work well with him.

Barb, I "get" working with him - but how do you handle the wife?"

I could tell by the look on her face that she needed my question.

I said...

"Oh, oh...is she a DIVA?"

It was silent

We stared at each other...

Her face went from horror to a huge smile, and then a huge laugh in a matter of 3 seconds...and then she said..

"Oh my God.... she is.."